Friday, December 30, 2011
I am feeling tired & exhausted. Internal struggles to overcome your own weaknesses can be just as powerful, and painful as the external hostilities. There are the lucky ones who usually get what they want, but they are very few chosen ones & then there are those who can not even dream of success because they even do not know the meanings of success. The year 2011 is coming to an end, not that in the greater scheme of this Earth it really matters. If Pope Gregory would not have demanded this calendar then it could have been any other number. However, since we are measuring the passage of time with this scale therefore, I want to sum up the events which have personally affected me. Please stop right here if you do not want to read the stories of departures. For me it was the year of departures. 2011's first casualty was the departure of Akhtar Shah, a very sweet eternally depressed friend from 1950's who had a melodious voice, he did not know what mother nature has gifted him. Then there was Amin Khan another charmer who knew only how to smile, who never complained of poverty; after graduating from high school he accepted the job of a bank clerk until he retired. Even though we had known each other since 1950's but during the struggling days of 1960's & early 1970's he was with me in Dadu. Our company was well known to every one. Every one knew where to find us for an evening tea, all they had to do is to come to a tea shop located out of town, in Sindhi language we called it Kandoo ki Mandli. Kandoo was a young teenager who will bring us tea & we will watch Sindhi volley ball & chat about all kinds of thing. We knew our days in Dadu were numbered. Dark shadows of hatred were growing taller. We used to meet again for a long walk after our dinner & have some more tea at another place called Cafe De Qasim. We could not figure out why hatred was becoming stronger. We used to watch old Urdu movies & laugh so much that sometimes my cheeks will start hurting. One night we were returning after watching a movie & right behind us was one of our acquaintance, he did not like the comedy & expressed his discontent, we laughed & ignored his comments. The reason I remember him that well because a few years latter he was shot by a thug of PPP in the broad day light, he some how managed to get to the Police station & identified his killer. The killer was a rising star of PPP who won the seat of Pakistan Parliament(times of senior Bhutto). Our company was doomed from the beginning. I left Dadu in February of 1971 & got caught in the whirl winds of time which will take me to different places in different countries, and continents, I worked on land, offshore, in the deserts and the mountains. During the early part of 2011 I got a call from Mahfooz that Amin Khan left, I was saddened and consoled myself with some sad Urdu poetry, all the memories of good times came alive. Mahfooz himself was suffering from the heart ailment. He was a friend of friends; again I knew him since 1950's, we used to play cricket & go to Dadu canal to swim, and then he left for Karachi. I missed him very much, several years down the road I found out where he was. When I arrived in Karachi for my higher education then Mahfooz was again my weekend buddy. His elder brother always asked him why he could not go to college & get some education like I did. I guess Mahfooz did not care about the formal schooling. We used to watch movies, have snacks & sweet tea & after that I will catch a bus for Karachi university. For some strange reason neither back then nor today I ever thought I was more educated than these friends, therefore I never tried to choose a different circle of friends. I did meet some good friends in the university but I never abandoned my old circle. This year I did not hear from Mahfooz since April/May, I had an uneasy feeling until my niece told me in October that Mahfooz uncle has passed away. Another chapter closed, no more calls from Pakistan. Right around that time I got another bad news that Mr. Jobs left. Until then I did not know how much I liked Mr.Steve Jobs, my first computer was an IMac in bondi blue color, I took the delivery of that computer the day it went for sale. We were always getting the bad news about Mr. Job's health but I never realized that he will leave us so soon. I went to the local Apple store, the young lady who came to talk to me was surprised to know that I was such a big fan of Apple computers(she had seen many others) & Mr. Steve Jobs. We shared high five & some tears together. Last summer I met my ophthalmologist during the last week of July he thought my vision has slightly improved, he showed me his pictures of flowers & asked me what I think about Nikon as compared to Leica, I told him Nikon is a first class company whereas Leica is being run be arrogant brosses; he wanted to see my pictures during our scheduled appointment in December, when I was leaving he said he will pray for me; I was somewhat surprised at his kindness. A month latter my former departmental secretary came to my office & told me Dr. 'J' left a week after I saw him, I could not believe my ears. Why the year 2011 which started with these news should come to an end with a happy note? On December 18th I got the news that 'B' left, I had known him for decades when he was barely 20 years old. Last year he was diagnosed with cancer, cancer kept on jumping from his skin to his lungs & then to his brain. No cutting edge medical technology could save him & finally his journey ended. There is no room in my house, there is no place in my front & backyard where I cannot see his signature. When we met the first time it was for a repair job but as the time passed I called him for many other jobs, we became friends, we shared stories. I am still thinking why such a strong young man has to leave immediately after his 43rd birthday? Few months before he left a mutual friend brought a gentleman to my house, we had a friendly conversation & when they left I asked my wife how come 'R'(our mutual friend) has always ill friends; she was shocked & told me it was 'B' not a stranger! I will not forget that day ever, how the cancer has ravaged him that I could not recognize him. When I am closing for the year 2011 how can I not mention about my two daughters who also left us, first Brandee whom I rescued from the injuries she got in engine compartment of a car. Even though she belonged to friend who dumped Brandee on us, Nora took care of her; this gentle soul lived with us for almost 18 years, during her last days she will walk outside the house where some pigeons will be having their lunch but they will let her drink from their water bath. After a long protracted illness she decided to leave us in May. My second daughter who came to leave us was Salma whom I picked up from the roadside when she barely a few weeks old, she was just sitting there & crying; I had to bring her home. She was the bravest of all, one day my neighbors dogs got loose in my back yard, all of my cats ran up the trees, Salma did not, she just stood there looking at those yuppy things as if asking them what you idiots are doing in my yard? In August she lost her apatite, I kept on giving her apatite boosting pills, finally the pills quit working & she lost her battle in September. What a year it was!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
These words were written in response to a beliver's ideas. Thank you for taking time to give a different perspective, it was really kind of you to do so. I sincerely appreciate your convictions. I am not saying it fictitiously. 66 years of my life has taught me one lesson, i.e. do not try to win the arguments, just win the hearts. I never had any life jacket to throw in choppy waters to save some one. We as a human being some time speak using different frequencies. Of course, every one knows at am radio one can not listen to the fm stations. What is right & what is wrong? I am just a traveler in the darkness of night, perhaps I am blind so even if light appears I can not see the path. I have read a little bit of the history of science too; & the conclusion of my reading is that from Newton to Darwin they all wanted to learn about god by studying the nature. They came to a Y in their journey, some took one path & the others the second. I will dedicate the words of a mystic poet to you who said, demolish Caaba(the muslims holiest site), demolish temples; but never demolish a heart because that is where god lives. Respects, A. Qudus.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Please accept my apologies for not making my points clear. As I humbly wrote that we as scientists try to explain what we observe, not what comes to our mind (of course that is an other realm). Here is what I have learned:- We are not becoming wiser, only the collective wisdom of the mankind has increased. If we were becoming wiser with the passage of time we could easily explain Pythagorean theorem or the concept of ‘special relativity’ or general relativity, after all these are century to millennium old ideas. Light takes 100,000 light years to cross our Milky way galaxy (velocity of light 186,000 mps) & we do not know how many galaxies are there. All we can see is up to 13.7 light years, what is beyond that can be any ones guess. One of my student asked me what is beyond our universe? My response was I do not know, perhaps another Universe or nothing at all. She tried to drag me into a religious sphere saying, do you know there are no atheist in fox holes? I had been not into any foxhole but I have seen death very closely in some fatal wreck or guns in my face; during those incidences the only thoughts come to my mind were, I will find out how the air bags are going to work; or how much pain the bullet will inflict. As a geologist I have found out that our sun is at least second or third generation star from the time of inception of this Universe, otherwise we would not have 90+ elements. And without many of these higher elements life could not have started. And when it got started as a single non nucleated cell about 4 billion years ago(it will take me 128 years of non stop counting to reach the number of 4 billion), it got to our level in that much time. Only a few thousand years ago we have started talking coherently & when we go around the globe we see so many different groups with so many different ideas that they could not be coming from one source. So why the Almighty one will keeps us wandering; if after these billions of years we could not get a unified message what should make me think I will find the answer during next billion years? By the way even if I live that long the human race will not, give or take few million years our offspring will be totally different. Just look at the fossils of Genus Homo which are only 2 million years old. We evolve, we adapt or perish. I can end the current dialogue again with an Urdu sonnet, what exists here is what we believe. I am yet to know a scientist who tries to convert someone’s beliefs. It will be disservice if I ever try to take some one out of their comfort zone. And yes I feel even less than a puny in the larger scheme of this known part of the Universe.